The Truth Is Pretty Ugly

This is another one of those DIY’s that I am going to have to spill the real truth on.  I’d start this post with “have fun!” but we all know that would be a lie – because it’s NOT fun.  In fact most blogger’s who do all these DIY’s are LIARS or sociopaths or named Martha Stewart.  You know that’s the word on the street right?

OK,  first you will head over to Walmart (not the nicer Target or Toy’s R Us, because they don’t have any frigging dinosaurs, I guess they are too upscale for this nonsense) and after you get done snapping iphone photos of people that you can add to “The People of Walmart” site, you will dodge past kids having holiday meltdowns and into the dreaded toy isle. The good thing is, these dinosaurs are only $1 each – which makes up for losing your sanity in Walmart.

** No one wants to tell you this, as I am betting they want other bloggers to get maimed and be off the blogging scene for awhile – but get rubber Dino’s, not hard plastic Dino’s as they are easier to cut later on in the dissecting phase of the DIY**

Next you will head back to the dreaded Home Depot where the spray paint is under lock & key 24/7, yet after they unlock the steel grids where it’s housed, they leave you alone in the paint isle with no supervision, which seems dumb, as I watched a dude “try out” colors on the floor inside the store (I kid you not). Luckily these taggers dudes don’t seem to be into day-glow and metallic colors, so the cans I bought were 100% full. While you are there pick up some mini plants that you will later stuff inside your dinosaur. BTW – isn’t this like the place where all these damn DIY projects originate? For all we know it could be Home Depot egging bloggers on so they can sell more crap – it’s probably like a secret blogger collab thing and the DIY girls are smarter than I thought,  and getting rich …

Now hightail it home to the sanctuary of your own casa and mix up your fav cocktail (these DIY always seem to involve drinking – its like a game or something) . But please wait until after dissecting cutting your dinosaurs before drinking, otherwise you could lose a finger or two. Now take out your switchblade or exato knife, and cut a large whole in Dino’s back. Then take a small bladed knife and poke some holes (for drainage) in his bottom near tail area. This is all harder than it seems and infinitely more boring. And trust me, it’s really not going to matter…

You can now start drinking to your hearts content because it’s all about spray paint from here on out. So spray the shit out of your Dino’s with a light coat of whatever color you want, but I’m just going to warn you now – it doesn’t seem like the rubber that these Dino’s are made of likes spray paint – my shit never fully dried so I have “sticky” dinosaurs.  So while they look all cute and fun in pictures – this is a mess to do… And now you have to go out in public with day-glow spray paint on your hands and all the hipsters just give you weird looks as you have been branded as “one of those DIY blogger girls” which is the kiss of death.

So here’s what I suggest.  Go out to a nice dinner, keep your mani intact (and your sanity) , and run on over to ShelterBlack and grab a few of these guys which are already done for you,  by someone who has minions doing this kind of crap for her (such a damn smart girl that Valerie is – totally my idol!) because it’s well worth the price – trust me!